I have been struggling with this same thing recently. It’s weird because everything is great in my life. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I still struggle. Here’s something I wrote in my journal this past week. Maybe there’s something in here for you. I pray that in sharing this we can get through this season together.
Written on September 8th, 2021:
“Recently I have been feeling so deficient. Uncomfortable in my own skin. It feels like I leave every interaction cringing at something I did. Fixating on every little mistake.
I have a mean inner critic, and I have been listening to her a lot recently. I like to imagine she is perfect and put together... She is way skinnier than me. Her hair shines and has nice volume. Her outfits are always top-notch. My inner critic is the type of girl other girls envy. And she NEVER makes mistakes. At least that’s how I imagine her to be some days; this practically perfect version of myself constantly nagging at me to do better.
Of course, I should listen to her, right?
I have built up this idea of what my inner critic is like. I have given her credibility because I imagine she will help me become the best version of myself. She has permission to tell me what I'm doing wrong because the hope is that I will become more like the best version of myself.
I put her on a pedestal and take what she has to say at face value. Until today… I was thinking about it and I realized my inner critic isn't so perfect. I shifted my thoughts and imagined her as a little child. Messy and imperfect, trying her best to save me from rejection. Yes. This seems more like it.
This little child doesn't have it all together. She is scared. She wants to be loved and accepted. She knows rejection, she became all too familiar with it. Sometimes this fear causes her to act out. All she wants is someone to listen to her, to pay attention to her. So she cries out using words that hurt. She isn't trying to bring me down though, my childish, scared inner critic just wants a seat at the table.
She wants me to listen to her, and tell her it will all be ok. She doesn't need me to argue with her or to trust her opinion more than I ought, for she is a little child operating out of fear.
And so, I have realized, this tension I feel with my inner critic is not so much a daily battle I need to fight anymore. For I have realized it is not a fair fight. She is just a little child. Therefore I must lay down my sword and listen to her. It is in this process of sitting with my inner critic that makes her fears subside. She doesn't need to act out anymore. It is in this acknowledgment that the inner turmoil I feel ceases to exist.
My inner critic was just trying to protect me after all. But in giving this inner critic no autonomy in how I feel about myself, for she is just a scared child, I can walk in the freedom and radiance that comes with knowing Christ.”
Maybe you can relate. Maybe your inner critic has been making you feel unworthy in some capacity. Feelings of deficiency are hard to shake, but the good news is that we are 100% in charge of how we feel whether we realize it or not.
So How Can I Start to Overcome Self-Doubt?
Start with realizing when your inner critic is getting too much rent space. Remind yourself that your inner critic is simply trying to shield you from rejection.
To get to the bottom of why you feel this way, I am going to leave you with some journaling questions that I am going to meditate on this week along with you.
Journaling Prompts for Self-Doubt:
How long have you been feeling this way?
What has been different about your routine since you started feeling this way?
Is this a feeling you get at certain times? At certain places? Around certain people?
How do you view yourself right now?
What are some key phrases your inner critic uses to make you feel this way? (Pay attention throughout the day and write down some of the lies you are believing)
Write a letter to your inner critic. Remember that she is really just a scared little child. Let her know that you hear her, you see her, but her defense mechanisms no longer serve you.
How do you think God sees you? What would He say to you when you are feeling unworthy?
What would be helpful to try to get out of this season of self-doubt?
Who could you talk to about this? Is there anyone in your life that could be praying over you?
It is ok to sit in these feelings. Hive yourself permission to do so instead of telling yourself to move on. Don‘t be afraid to explore why you feel this way. Dismissing your feelings is never going to fix this. It will only make it worse. So be brave, ask for help and realize you are not alone.
I leave you with this passage found in Romans 5:1-5.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
I pray that you may receive hope that does not put you to shame. I pray that something this week stands out to you, that you may feel God’s love poured onto your heart.
Feel free to share below your journey with self-doubt or how I can pray for you specifically. If anything resonated with you, please share this post on social media or copy the link and send this post to a friend!
Until next week!
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