Have you been dreading spiritual conversations? Maybe there’s this pit in your stomach that grows a little bit bigger each time someone talks about what God is doing in their life. Maybe that’s because you feel like he isn’t working in yours. Maybe you don’t even believe in God at all right now.
Well, friend, I’m happy to tell you there’s a place for you. And that that place is right here. Look at where you landed! Scroll to the bottom of this page and look at the number of views this post has gotten. I bet there is more than one person that has viewed this, which means you are not alone. You are also not alone because I’ve been there. I’m hesitant to give you the cliche “it gets better” speech, and tell you it will all be ok because right now it might not feel that way.
It’s ok if you feel stuck. Sit in that. Write it down, because when God walks with you out of this valley, and he will, you are going to want to remember just what he brought you out of.
You might be wondering how I know that God will bring you out of this season. I know, because if you have stuck with me up to this point, there is at least a small part of you that wants to see God work. And I am thankful that a little bit of curiosity is still there.
In seasons of doubt, I have felt all kinds of feelings about God. I have felt sadness, desperation, fear, anger, but the worst feeling is feeling nothing about God at all. The cold distance we sometimes feel from God, and the indifference that follows has a bitter sting.
Do you ever tell yourself that there are certain feelings you can’t feel towards God? Does it ever feel wrong to get angry at him? To question him? Guilt used to run my life, especially in my faith. I often felt guilty for being angry at God, or for questioning him, but I have learned that God wants my anger and he wants me to ask him the hard questions. I know because God named his favorite people, the Israelites, after a man who wasn’t afraid to ask the hard questions and get a little feisty. His name was Jacob, and I’d love to tell you about him.
The Man Who Wrestled With God
In the Bible, the book of Genesis talks about these two twin brothers named Jacob and Esau.* Esau was lucky enough to be the slightly older twin, and because of that, he was due the family inheritance. But Jacob, a greedy and cunning man (so cunning that his name translates to deceiver), tricked their father Isaac into blessing him and giving him the family inheritance.
Talk about greed! As you can probably imagine, this act of thievery did not do great things for Jacob and Esau’s relationship…Jacob was forced to flee his hometown because Esau was plotting to kill him. Yet, in the middle of all of this brokenness and dysfunction, God was planning to use Jacob to do big things.
Many years later, an older, more mature Jacob journeyed through the desert to head back home with his family. Filled with fear that his brother would take revenge on him for stealing the family inheritance so long ago, Jacob sent Esau many gifts hoping he would spare his life. On his way home, the night before Jacob was supposed to see Esau, something very strange happened…
Alone in the desert, his family just out of earshot, a strange figure came up and wrestled with Jacob. That figure, according to Genesis 32, was God, and God put up a fight! I imagine as Jacob fought for his life, all the mistakes he made and the relationships he ruined flashed before him. At that moment, alone in the desert, fighting this strange figure, Jacob was forced to choose; either to give up or fight for a life stained with regret and bad decisions.
For some reason, Jacob chose to wrestle with God, and somehow he ended up winning. After this notorious wrestling match, Jacob’s name was changed to Israel which means “one who wrestles with God.” But God didn’t stop at renaming Jacob, he also named all of the people in Jacob’s lineage after him. Those people became God’s chosen people. You may know them as the Israelites.
Something we often forget is that God’s chosen people were named after a man who wrestled with God. He loved Jacob so much, and despite his mistakes, God chose him to be the father of a great nation. Jacob’s story is a great reminder that at our lowest points, God wants someone who will wrestle with him rather than someone who will give up when life gets hard.
Sometimes I think we believe that Satan wants us to wrestle with God, but I think Satan prefers a sneakier tactic; apathy. Satan wants us to give up on God altogether. Satan doesn’t even want us to show up to fight because that’s how he can get a foothold on our life.
So if you are reading this feeling filled with doubt, I want to encourage you to lean into that doubt and wrestle with God. Don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to ask God the hard questions. He wants to hear from you, even if your relationship with him resembles more of a brawl than a friendship. Trust me, he’s not afraid of a good fight, because showing up to a fight means you haven’t given up just yet.
What does wrestling with God look like in a season of doubt?
Here is a list of ways I have wrestled with God. I’m not advocating that this list is practical in the long term for strengthening your relationship with God, but if a relationship isn’t in the cards for you right now, give one of these ideas a shot.
Write God a letter explaining why you are doubting him right now. Ask him to show up in your life, and ask him for eyes to see how he is working in your life.
Pray this breath prayer for at least a week: “I believe, help me in my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)
Talk to a friend you trust about your doubts, ask them to pray for you, and check-in with you. You may find that they have struggled with doubts too!
Find a space where you can be alone to pray. Actually, pray out loud and tell God why you are doubting him. Don’t be ashamed. Just be honest.
Comment below if you can think of any other helpful ways to wrestle with God in a season of doubt. I’d love to hear from you and support you in any way I can. Thanks for reading! Feel free to use the icons at the bottom of the post to share this with a friend who may need it! See ya next week!
All My love,
Abbey Leeann Masters
P.s. If you wanted to hear a beautiful song about Jacob in the Bible (found in Genesis 25, 27, 29-33 & 35), check out the song Jacob by Chris Renzema! It won’t disappoint!
Comments